


i thought you loved me

by jun8th



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pain, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-10
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:49:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jun8th/pseuds/jun8th
Summary: Seungcheol thought that Jeonghan loves him back-- he doesn't.
Relationships: Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan
Kudos: 23





	i thought you loved me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this for a friend lmao  
> this was supposed to be a short drabble but i went ahead of myself  
> hope you enjoy!

“I thought you loved me.”

  


Seungcheol’s voice came out way too scratchy for his liking, as if it has been stuck in his throat for too long and he finally got it out. He looks at Jeonghan, his back turned against him, preventing him to look at his face.

  


A breathy laugh escapes Jeonghan’s lips. Seungcheol has always loved it when Jeonghan laughs, he thinks it’s beautiful—much like Jeonghan himself. But not now. His laugh now sounds different than the other ones. It has a rather sinister edge to it. Something very out of character for Jeonghan. Sure, sometimes he would have his little evil giggles when he is coming up with a prank or when he is pulling on the elder’s leg, but it’s never quite like _this._

“Oh, you did?” Jeonghan throws the question out into thin air, refusing to turn around to look at Seungcheol.

  


Seungcheol didn’t answer, he just gave him a silent hum. He knew he would cry if he said another word. He could already feel that familiar lump in his throat, the tears starting to pool up from the back of his eyes, threatening to fall out at any given moment. He looks down on the ground, at his shoes which are now sinking into the snow. He slowly opens his mouth, his lips trembling.

  


“I thought.. I just thought that we had _something_ , you know?” Seungcheol’s voice is quiet, he can feel the tears pricking his eyes now.

“I don’t, actually,” Jeonghan smiles thinly and turns around.

“Then why did you kiss me? Why did you--?” Seungcheol grabs at thin air, making hand gestures. Though his vision is blurred with tears, he knew he momentarily made eye contact with Jeonghan and in that split second, he notices that his eyes no longer hold that warmth and gentleness he used to recognize, they were instead replaced with an expressionless, cold gaze.

“Why?” Jeonghan scoffs, “do you need a reason why?”

  


Seungcheol just nods, desperate for answers. He needed to know. He needed to know why they kissed then, inside their shared hotel room. Jeonghan had initiated the kiss. Seungcheol, being the dumb fool that he is, went along with it. One kiss turns into two, and two just turns into the both of them craving for something more. And there they were, their touches no longer innocent. The sounds of their breaths fill up the room as they grew more intimate. And at that moment, Seungcheol thought _that_ was special, the way Jeonghan touches him in every right spot as if they had known each other for way longer than they had. The way the both of them just fit so _perfectly_ together. Seungcheol thought that had meant _something._ That maybe Jeonghan was in love with him, too.

  


Jeonghan chuckles, and his voice dragged Seungcheol back to the reality at hand.

  


“Deep down, you know why—no, _what_ that truly was, right?” Jeonghan’s voice sounds too gentle, too soothing. He’s making Seungcheol fall for him all over again. But his heart no longer swells with love nor with happiness, but it was throbbing with pain. Each passing second sends a sharp ache deep into his heart. He wants it to stop, he just wants Jeonghan to laugh, say it’s a joke, say that _he loves him_ , but he knew it was all just wishful thinking.

  


And yes, maybe Seungcheol really did know what it all was. But he’s mad stubborn. Either that or he just wants to hear the words straight out of Jeonghan’s mouth. So he shakes his head no, feeling the tears now trickling down his cheeks, but he doesn’t do anything to stop them, doesn’t wipe them away, he just let them stream down on their own.

  


“Aw, don’t cry,” Jeonghan coos in a mocking tone, his lips curled into a smirk.

“Just—Just answer the question, Jeonghan, please,” Seungcheol’s voice comes out sounding desperate, he recognizes that. But he doesn’t care. He just wants whatever this is to end. He just wants Jeonghan to put the final nail in the coffin, to just shatter his heart completely already.

“You’re impossible, honestly,” Jeonghan shakes his head and sighs before continuing, “Do I _really_ have to spell it out for you?”

Seungcheol nods again. _‘Just get on with it, please, just please end my misery already,’_ he thought to himself, not voicing his thoughts out as if Jeonghan could read his mind.

“It was just a one night stand, Cheol. You’re the one who’s catching feelings.”

  


Seungcheol knew. He knew that. But he has been in denial ever since the first night that they did it. Of course he did, the way Jeonghan touched him was like he really meant it. Every touch, every kiss he planted on Seungcheol’s skin lit a fire in him, left an everlasting mark in his heart, kind of like a tattoo, permanent and unmoving.

  


“I love you, you know,” Seungcheol chokes out in between his sobs, as if that statement alone could change Jeonghan’s mind. Jeonghan opens his mouth to speak, but closes it again. He looks down, perhaps feeling a little guilty for Seungcheol.

“I know,” Jeonghan admits in a small voice, the smirk on his face now wiped away and replaced with a bitter smile.

  


Seungcheol wipes away his tears to clear up his vision. He stretched out his hands towards Jeonghan, he was _right there_ , within his reach, and yet he felt so far away. Jeonghan catches his hands with his own. He looks at their intertwined hands with a gaze that Seungcheol knows all too well. It’s like he was doing this on purpose. Jeonghan took his heart, toyed with it and shattered it into pieces. But now, he’s collecting those pieces and putting them back together as if nothing had happened.

  


And no matter how much Seungcheol tries to hate him, he just can’t. It’s Jeonghan, after all. He had fallen in love ever since the first time they met. And he can’t help that he keeps on falling in love with the little things he did—the way Jeonghan would tuck his hair behind his ear, his laughs, his smiles—Seungcheol loved every part of Jeonghan and he just wished that he would reciprocate his feelings. Alas, life isn’t that fair.

  


Silence filled the cold, winter air, save for Seungcheol’s broken sobs and hiccups here and there.

  


“I’m sorry, Seungcheol,” Jeonghan finally mumbles out, breaking the silence as he lets go of Seungcheol’s hands. Seungcheol just looks at him, unable to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he repeats, his voice a bit louder this time, like Seungcheol didn’t catch him the first time he said it.

  


Seungcheol doesn’t know how to respond to Jeonghan’s apology. Tell him that it’s okay when it’s really not? Tell him to just go away and never see him again? What should he even say?

  


He lets another silence hang in the air, its sound eating him out from inside. Jeonghan seems like he wants to say something either but decides against it. Seeing that this isn’t going anywhere, Jeonghan turns around to leave. Seungcheol wants to stop him, to tell him to stay, but he knows he can’t.

  


“I thought you loved me,” Seungcheol repeats quietly, his voice muffled with sobs as he watches Jeonghan’s figure get smaller and smaller, until the color white completely drowns him out. 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading this my dudes  
> feel free to interact w me on my [twt](https://twitter.com/loonafairyy)!


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